I had some time to think last night after the kids when to bed. Let’s just say I was tied to the throne. I began to reflect on my post from yesterday and realized that I didn’t go as deep as I wanted, and I made a note of that in the end. I started to think about other ways that I would like Mistress to humiliate me both publicly and privately.

Mistress and I were laying in bed a few nights back when out of nowhere, Mistress asks, “how do you feel about me calling you a bitch.” I didn’t know what to say, but I know how my body responded. While both humiliating and degrading, my cock sprung to life at the thought of her removing my name from context and referring me to either Kitty, in public, and bitch, inappropriate settings. I do not remember exactly what I said to her, but I remember how I felt, and it wasn’t terrible at all.

After a quick session a few weeks ago, Mistress forced me down between her legs and forced me to clean up the two orgasms she had. At the same time, I experienced another session of denial. I lapped up her cum and fluids while she forced my face more profound and deeper. I found it both humiliating and sexy. Here I am being denied my orgasm for months while she experiences two, then she forces me to clean it up with my mouth. I wouldn’t mind that as a task after every session where she cums, even if that orgasm wasn’t because of me.

But still, those were a bit surface level but really opened the door for me to think deeper. As I sat in total isolation, I continued my push for something darker, hiding behind my kink wall of shame. Somethings that I would never think to say aloud to myself, let alone on a platform for someone else to read. After some time, that kink wall of shame collapsed, and I was flooded with more humiliation ideas that turned me on and aligned with Mistress’s sadistic personality.

We go out quite a bit, whether for game night at a friend’s house, traveling, or just sitting at the bar and trying out some new beer on the menu. When out and about, it would be humiliating for me to wear a diaper and be denied permission to use the bathroom. I am already tasked with gaining Mistress’s permission to pee, so this would not significantly change our current lifestyle.

I also thought about the requirement to kiss Mistress’s chair or ass when she got up to move around the house or if we were out in public. How humiliating would it be to be required to drop to my knees when she gets up and kiss the chair in which her warmth still resonates.

Piggybacking off of an earlier post about anal play, I thought about Mistress making me anal fuck myself with one of her dildos until I am just about to come before she forces me to stop. Not too bad for humiliation, right? This is where the humiliation part comes in. Mistress would video it to share amongst her FetLife groups. Now, that would be humiliating, but it is pretty sexy.

Additionally, Mistress donning her strap-on harness and cock and forcing me to train deep throating her. This can also be videotaped for others to view. Just thinking that gives me restraint in my panties.

I had two more; one of them is a bit more extreme for me than the other. I am currently denied orgasm until September. I gambled them all away in a stupid bet about a TV show. Mistress and I have spoken about the loss of orgasm inside her, and she hasn’t said that I have lost that right as of today. However, with how she has been rapidly getting back into female domination, I can lose that privilege by September. So when my orgasm time has been served, I thought about how humiliating it would be to cum on her feet and then lick them clean or on the floor while she forces my face in it.

The extreme one for me is being forced to recite our rules in front of others. We have been extremely private about our lifestyle over the years. Still, Mistress has been slowly sharing insight into our more private life with some of her closest people. I find just that information humiliating. So having to explain the rules of a situation, my role for the period, or just a rule, in general, is humiliating. Include removing my name and replacing it with my Mistress given name, and I will be red and stumbling over my words.

Until next time.

This post can probably go on forever as Mistress and I are keen on the male humiliation scene. I mean, I have forever lost my own underwear. I now wear woman’s underwear. Oh, and not the “Oh, I got some new underwear” kind of garment. Nope, I have Mistress’s old hand-me-down underwear. Well, not all of it. Some of it is new as Mistress likes me in a fresh pair of lacy panties as I kneel at her feet. I don’t think much about it when we are at home because wearing panties has become my norm, but I always feel that someone can see them when we are out in public. Even after these years, I still worry that people can see the panties and know that I have lost all my male underwear.

I feel humiliation in both public and private settings. We haven’t been able to dive into our public humiliation as much since COVID hit, obviously. However, Mistress has increased her humiliation efforts here at home. The other day I ate part of my lunch from the floor after she smashed it, and I ensured there was nothing left to “show” that lunch was on the floor. Mistress went on an organization spree shortly after that incident. She found that her collection of different boots gathering dirt and grime from their use over the winter. She handcuffed me and forced me to clean all nine pairs of her dirty boots. I was relieved that I had to fix only one book from the eighteen I had to lick clean from heel to toe and up.
But none of that is profound for a deep thoughts post. Sometimes deeper thinking of humiliation is humiliating enough. Writing this blog post about humiliation almost serves as a bit of humiliation. I am forcing myself to go even deeper and expose some things I have thought about. Mistress and I were doing our nightly routine not long ago, and she said, “I need to take more naughty pictures of you.” That got me thinking. Mistress could spend some time putting me in some extreme bondage scene in, let us say, our dog cage and then take pictures of that scene. Humiliating…but not too bad. But what if I was in some extreme bondage scene in a dog cage while forced to wear a full woman’s outfit? That would be extremely humiliating. I have already mentioned by underwear requirement above but adding to that always makes me feel embarrassed. Mistress already chooses my clothes for my everyday wear. I am sure the day is coming when she begins implementing more women’s clothing and less man’s clothing. Of course, nothing is noticeable by the members of our household.

The thought of humiliation brings me back to a dream I had not so long ago. I didn’t share this with Mistress as I saved it for this post, and I almost forgot about it. Mistress and I were in one of our sessions where she is just doing her thing, and I am forced to sit and stay out of sight and out of mind. She filled up a baby bottle with half urine and half water and instructed me that it better be finished before she returned, or I would be punished. Sucking on a baby bottle full of her watered-down urine was pretty humiliating. I woke up before I found out how to be punished, but I can assure you it would not be pretty.
Mistress adores making me squirm in public. She knows that she can easily accomplish an entire evening of writhing when she plans humiliating events. I always find it humiliating, therefore sexy, when I have to keep my eyes down in public and then chastised in public for allowing my eyes to wander up. I would not say that it is the humiliation that gets me excited; it is the power and control that she is exhibiting by doing so. I have also been thinking about Mistress, and I’s little trips we tend to take from time to time. It would be humiliating for Mistress to make me stand next to the car until she permits me to enter her car, order for me by telling the server/bartender that I am not allowed to order for myself. Again, it is not so much as the humiliation the drives me wild. It is that power she displays so well.

I believe I will need more time to dig even deeper because I bet I have more rolling around in my brain. Be ready for round two next week. Until next time.

Mistress and I were finally able to participate in our weekly game night with a few of our friends. Game nights have been missing over the past month as we have been busy or out of town. With game night comes humiliation night. Mistress stuffed me with an anal plug and then inserted the sandpaper into my panties before we headed over for hours of game night. Uncomfortable and exhilarating at the same time. The sandpaper gave me a quaint reminder of “who owns my ass” with every slight adjustment in my chair. That evening triggered a more profound thought about anal play.

Mistress Piixie is not new to the realm of anal play. When we first began, we had a deal that when she takes my anal virginity, she will mark me with a tattoo to signify that my ass belongs to her. Needless to say, I have a nice forearm tattoo that she picked out for me. Luckily for me, it isn’t anything that I wouldn’t approve of myself. Anyways, Mistress is not an anal prude by any means. Once she got a taste of pegging, she fell in love with it. So did I.  She reaches a different level of dominance when she slides into her harness; the power throbs through her, and I can see the effect that her hard dildo has on her. I absolutely melt when she forcefully takes what she wants from me. Bound and helpless while she continuously pounds me from behind. The motion that she creates is rhythmic and entrancing. The removal of my vision and ability to plead further excites me. I would not mind being forced into the pegging position for a few hours, and she cums and goes as she pleases, leaving me there to ponder the next time she is going to come and take what is hers. I am excited just typing that out for you to read.

Anal play is more than pegging. We have an assortment of items that are included in our anal play sessions. When I spoke about sensory deprivation, I caught myself going down the road of plugging, or restricting, every orifice that can be found on my body. Anal plugs are perfect for sensory deprivation. The feeling of fullness is increased as the senses are removed from their typical everyday norms. I also like the discomfort that comes from anal plugs and anal beads. They make me feel whole and controlled. I would not mind if we got one vibrated by remote control for when we go out in public. Anal plugs also top my list of personal public humiliation. With larger plugs comes my inability to walk in my typical fashion. I become paranoid that all the people around me notice and know that I have a large plug inserted into my rectum.

On the more extreme side, I have toyed with the idea of purchasing an item I saw while shopping for Mistress not too long ago. The thing is a combo between the anal plug and some watersports play. The combo consists of three pieces: a penis plug, an anal plug, and a rubber hose. I am pretty sure you can figure out how that works. I have to say that I keep thinking about how Mistress Piixie could use that to her advantage and how exciting it would be. I mean, it brings so much to the table. Anal play using the anal plug, and then it puts me in the predicament stage. Do I hold my piss until Mistress releases the penis plug, or do I release and end up filling up my anal cavity with my own urine? Hmmm…the predicament. That also sets up for my ever-arising need to try suffering through enemas at the hands of Mistress. I have done truly little research around the use of enemas in anal play. I imagine that Mistress would create a tantalizing punishment scene with the use of enemas. I can see her filling me up just a little, making me hold it for a period, then allowing me to release. She would increase the amount of fluid and the time after each release. When I failed, she would end up punishing me severely before doing it all over again. Then, at the end of her sadistic fun, she would force her dildo in and thrust until she was satisfied.

Until next time.

I have titled this series “deep thoughts” for a personal reason. Mistress and I have been active in the BDSM lifestyle for over six years now. We started off very innocently and have grown into our current state. But, it wasn’t always like this for us. We were both in prior relationships where we were labeled differently, forcing us to kink shame ourselves and hide our actual needs. Mistress has done a much better job at being herself, being open to herself and her role in our life. I have not and continue to kink shame myself at points throughout our days. I have gotten better by being more open with my communication. So when I talk about some of these things, they may not be profound to others but are deep for me. If my thoughts are an onion, if I can peel back this layer, then the exposed layer is my new comfort zone. So far, so good.

I talked with Mistress Piixie the other day about the term predicament bondage. I have to admit that I do not remember ever actually reading something specific about this type of bondage. We chatted back and forth and concluded that predicament bondage is a type of bondage restraint that forces the person to be restrained to make choices, none of which are ideal. With that, I start deep thinking how this could play into our lifestyle and have come up with some ideas.

Let’s recap the chat I had with Mistress first and foremost. I had shared a particular thought with Mistress about a predicament that would be interesting for her to play out. Please keep in mind that Mistress and I participate in safe play sessions at all times, and nowhere do we play in any unsafe manner without having a contingency plan. I was talking with Mistress about her punishment sessions and how much I wiggle around. During our chat, I briefly described a method that would require me to make one choice out of the possibilities of several uncomfortable decisions, all within one session. I further explained that if she tightly bound my hands behind my back, I wouldn’t be able to block the incoming smack of her impact tool. Duh, right. She already does that, so that wasn’t an eye-opening experience for her. But, I further explained that if she also strung the rope through our ceiling hook, looped it through my collar, and then forced me up on my tippy toes, then I would be looking at a couple of different choices. I would end up forced to stand there to take the beating while my legs and ass began to ache from being on my tippy toes. The movement would be minimal as I am tied. However, when the muscles begin to fatigue due to the uncomfortable position of tippy toes, I would be forced to either give in to the fatigue and lower down to the balls of my feet thus tightening the pressure on my collar or deal with the muscle fatigue. All of this while receiving impact after impact.

After our chat, I continued to think more about predicament bondage. I started to think about a session we had a few months back where she had restrained me just enough to where she was out of my reach and then edged me over and over again for hours. By the end of the session, I was ready as she undressed just out of my reach and fucked herself, watching me fight my way to her. Not too much of a predicament as the decision to fight against the bounds didn’t do anything in particular other than keep me from reaching her. But, what if she had tied a noose around my balls and then laid out of reach to fuck herself after hours of edging her ever so needy submissive? That is what I started to think about and would have to decide at the moment. Do I struggle to get to my Mistress and feel the pain in my balls or sit back and needlingly watch as she climaxes several times over the allotted time?

Now, let’s begin to look at Mistress’s arsenal of tools that she can use to increase the complexity. Mistress has a large metal anal hook hanging in our closet. I began to think about the level of discomfort that a large metal hook is. With me laying flat on my stomach with the anal hook in place, Mistress could secure my hands in an uncomfortable position over my head so as my hands begin to get tired and rest, the tension will increase on the anal hook. Again, Mistress can increase the complexity by adding impact play or tickling to the session to create forced decision-making.

Then, I really started getting creative. Mistress would take the rope and thread through our ceiling attachment point, tie one end of the rope to one of her pegging dildos and the other to a bucket. Of course, I am also bound through this whole process. She would need to add some sort of uncomfortable reaction to this, so clips on my nipples or scrotum attached to the bucket. As she fills the bucket, I would need to keep the bucket from falling by holding on to the dildo in my mouth. If the bucket were to fall either by me not sucking the dildo correctly or by sheer weight, the clothespins would rip off, causing extreme discomfort.

Goodness, I think I can go for hours. I guess I’ll wrap it up here.

Typically, I recap our week here at the house or talk about something coming up. But this time, I want to open the vault of deep, dark thinkings and derail my regular posts.
Let us begin this series with sensory deprivation. Mistress and I have dipped a toe in sensory deprivation a few times prior. One session found me in our body bag, and saran wrapped. My head was engulfed by one of our leather hoods, and my ears plugged and covered by headphones. My mouth was stuffed with a gag as I lay on the couch in our living room. I can’t remember how long I was there, but it felt like an eternity. Mistress would randomly interact with me in different modalities. One interaction would be the sting of the whip after she opened the body bag and swatted hard enough to go through the saran wrap. Another was a slight caress of my chest as she walked by to go on about her business.
To be straightforward, I want more. I would not mind having sensory deprivation so prevalent in our lifestyle that I feel naked without it, much how I feel without my collar. We have two great leather hoods that are great for sensory deprivation. One hood is strict leather and a bit more forgiving in the deprivation department. The other hood is padded around the ears and eyes to force more of the deprivation of the sub’s senses. A gag is not needed with the padded hood. It has a small breathing hole while the rest of the mouth area is compressed with padding. While the second hood is a bit more intense, the experience of sensory deprivation is increased. Pair that padded hood with earplugs or noise-canceling headphones and say goodbye to goodbye to 4 out of 5 senses.
Removing access to the last sense is the most fun for Mistress. Deploying restrictive restraints is Mistress’s specialty. She has plenty of tools in her arsenal to limit or eliminate my sense of touch. We have a straight jacket, body bag, rope, chains, tether, and saran wrap. All these items serve a purpose for Mistress to do her bidding. There is something about not seeing, hearing, or speaking that makes me focus on her touch and only her touch. Sensory deprivation leaves me anticipating her touch, and when she finally touches me, I can feel the surge of energy course through my body. I respond to her every interaction regardless of intensity. My skin is already sensitive, and that sensitivity intensifies when further deprived of sensory input.
I often think about sensory deprivation sessions with Mistress. Lately, I have found myself fantasizing about the same components of a session. I am entirely hooded and gagged with earplugs and noise-canceling headphones. She is playing a playlist of music that she loves, her naughty list if you may. She wraps my fingers in Saran Wrap and then stuffs them in the red armbinders hanging in our closet. She stretches my arms above my head to the hook in our ceiling and pulls me to my tippy toes. She puts me in an adult diaper and puts the training pad at my feet. I am there for hours. She may go to bed, watch movies, or both. I am there as eye candy, anticipating her touch, succumbing to her sadistic interactions with my body. Shivers just thinking about it.

We will continue these thoughts next week.
Until next time.

Goodness. It is Monday already. Where did the weekend go? Naps. That’s where. I got my second round of the Covid vaccine on Saturday and Mistress should have put me out to pasture. It kicked my tail all over the place. I napped all afternoon on Saturday and then again on Sunday. I feel somewhat normal today but I have some swelling around the injection site.

Anyways, short a sweet tonight. More to come later on this week.